Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
