I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
