she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
