Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
