Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You pole danced in your parka.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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