your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
