my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
