I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
