I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
