Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
