the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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