i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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