no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
