can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
