oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
