To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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