FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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