I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
