Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
