I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
