Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
