Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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