I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
