My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
