Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
how does that bad decision feel?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
