I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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