my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
worst night to have a conscience
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
