I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
