You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My ass is underappreciated
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize