You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
