tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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