I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
