We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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