I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
