I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
