I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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