After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
