I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if only i could text you this smell
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
