All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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