I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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