I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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