i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am one with the molecules
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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