remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
