omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
