We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
