the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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