are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
