They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
