ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
