god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
