Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
