wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
