i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
