I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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