so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
