Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
