What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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