happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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