This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
