My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
