I will die if light touches me.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
