That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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