He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
