I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
