Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
