Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
