I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize