I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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