she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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