I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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