Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
