We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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