Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
