Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize