If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
