It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
